Jake Logan

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*WARNING* The Blitzzaverzze Wiki does not condone, endorse or promote the behaviour on display described on this page. Because it puts all of humanity into disrepute and makes Boogie want to SMASH THAT RESET BUTTON

Jake Andrew Logan is a vlogger on the popular video sharing website "The Slap". He has 19 million followers on the site. Currently on trail in Japan for defiling a corpse.

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Early life

Born in America, he lived with his younger brother Paul and his mum. His mum had untold riches as she discovered El Dorado (no, not the actual city of gold, only Boogie knows where it is) and made a ton of money.

Jake was arrested when he was 13 for "lewd handling of a corpse" while trekking the Rocky Mountains with his crew, He served a month in jail for the incident.

Career

After his release from jail, Jake opened an account on The Slap. His initial content we're covers of One Direction songs with the volume on his Pear Touch turned all the way up so you could barely hear him singing, it later transitioned to copying the comedy of Superwog before he started doing vlogs where he would do burnouts in his step-dad's Lamborghini on the cul-de-sac, king-hit people and calling it a prank (i.e. smack-camming), pushing his friends down steep hills in shopping trolleys, vandalising people's property & spending large amounts of his parent's money on clothes that make him look like a homeless chimp and basketball shoes (even though he doesn't play basketball). He then turned his antics into the seminal art film "Cunt: The Movie" which grossed $20 million at the box office.

Cunt: The Movie

The film depicts Jake and his "crew" of ne'er-do-wells, pulling "pranks" on members of the general public in a "Jackass" style documentary film. "Pranks" he pulls in this film include...

  • Groping women on trains
  • Groping men on buses
  • Putting his pubic hair on subway sandwiches before serving them
  • Setting off firecrackers at a petrol station
  • Pushing his friend down a San Francisco street in a shopping trolley
  • Lighting a woman's hair on fire
  • Throwing a dog off a 12th story balcony
  • Touching somebody's spaghet
  • Pissing off an overpass

The film has a -100% on Rotten Tomatoes with Los Angeles Times critic Julia Lam calling it "The most disgusting display of stupid behaviour over put on film and released to an audience for money" also calling it "the longest 4 hours of my entire life".

Critiquing the critics (or rather how not to deal with criticism)

After reading the Los Angeles time review he filmed a vlog where he verbally abused her using racial slurs (such as Thai ladyboy, ching chong and riceface) and sent her a death threat, The Slap responded by taking down the LA Time's video review of the movie and giving Jake a payrise. He used his money to buy his brother a hummer and a Hummer.

As this was going on Old Man Boogie (the creator of the universe) threatened to press the reset button.

Arrest in Japan and life in the slammer

Jake and his friends went to Japan to film the sequel to "Cunt: The Movie" called "Cunt: The Movie 2 - Oriental Clusterfuck", one of the scenes depicted Jake in Aokigahara (a forest known for it's large number of suicides) looking for corpses. He found one and his brother Paul dared him to "fuck" it, Jake was then filmed defiling the corpse in a 20 minute sequence. The scene was then leaked to the internet and two days later he and his brother were arrested at Narita International Airport on charges of "defiling a corpse" & "making and distributing an obscene film" crimes which carry heavy penalties.